into the woods

I went on an autumn hike through the woods and pretended I wasn't a big loud clumsy human, yet a limber soft trodden doe. It was fun.

There was lots of greens, browns and smatterings of red, yellow and orange.

Along the path I saw something bright orange growing on a tree. Initially spotting it in the distance I couldn't imagine what it was and still can't quite believe it.

Giant vibrant orange mushrooms. Growing vertically along the bark like stacked pancakes. They look like they belong in the sea. When I look at the photos now they make me think of Spain.

I do not know why.

I sat under a huge beautiful tree and every once in a while heard what sounded like a door creaking closed. I looked up and wondered if the tree was creaking in the wind but upon hearing it again I got the feeling it was a bird. I told my friend who tried to be enthusiastic on my behalf but when I dragged her to the tree and she heard for herself she said...'oh, I didn't really believe you!' (I did a google search and found many 'creaking door' sounding birds but none that I can confidently commit to.)

An adventure to say the least.

I can be quite sentimental and I keep things forever and have a really hard time letting things go. So after recently breaking up with the gentleman I've been spending my time with over the past few months, I found myself wanting to choose one of the things he had left behind as a small token before returning the rest.

I had:

a pair of his tighty whitey undies

his 'planet earth' season one dvd

a toothbrush

an old dishcloth from his ma which we had taken on our canoe camping trip

So, the dvd didn't even play in my dvd player as it was a uk version and I wasn't interested in it anyhow. If I'm going to keep something to remember someone by, it won't be something as generic as a television series.

Moving on to the underwear...I remember how exciting it was finding his underwear hiding under my pillow or in other areas around my bed when we first started spending time together. I would do the laundry and he'd be so surprised when I presented him with freshly folded pairs of his underwear...'how did I manage to leave so many of these here?' he'd always wonder. But keeping his undies would present an awkward issue the next time I'm in a relationship. I wouldn't want my future man wondering what the eff I'm doing keeping some dudes fruit of the looms around for.

Which leaves us to the toothbrush. I actually kept my boyfriend befores' toothbrush in the holder for months after we ended things, not able to bring myself to toss it. I think keeping his toothbrush was a sign of denial, not wanting it to be over and having hope that things could reignite. With this man things are over though and what better way to send that message than returning a toothbrush.

So I found myself very much wanting to keep this old, ratty, frayed, faded dishtowel. It's a hand-me-down from his Mother when he moved into his own place. It was the perfect one to bring on our camping trip since it was already so disheveled. But I really liked the homey feel of it and how it used to be used in the house he grew up in by him and his family. His Mother is just about the sweetest thing around and I'm sad knowing I'll never see her again. I like that his mother gave it to him and I like knowing that his little hands were on it when he was a wee wipper snapper growing up. And we had such a great time on our camping trip together. And it perfectly fits my sentimental criteria.

But I gave it all back to him today. I think I had a moment of guilt even though he isn't even aware he left this at my place and would never ever miss it or think about it again. And if I told him this entire ridiculous blurb I just shared with you, he would hand over the towel and let me have it...would probably even want me to have it, this old tattered shmatah. And I saw a part of myself, and how I am different from him, and this is what I need to focus on now.

I want want want this. Every time I pass by the store I see it and want it again. And I know what you're thinking...'but you have so many squirrel lamps'. Really though, one can't have enough.

It's not everyday that a girl falls in love. Walking into the new-to-Toronto Crate and Barrel store the other day though, that's what I felt. My heart flipped and my jaw dropped at all the colours and cute designs. And all the leaves everywhere...leaf shaped platters, fabric, my new future duvet cover and a leaf table runner that I am considering buying a table for just so I can have. Perhaps because it's the fall season all the colours were perfect for me...look at this striped rug...and could that log side table be any more perfect?!

Sailboats too...

And this amazing shag carpet that I just had to bury my toes in. It was seriously the highlight of my day. I died a little when I saw the price ($1500). I plan on visiting this carpet again, but sadly I won't own it.

Woke first thing in the morning...which is 10:30 by the way...to call my friend and arrange on a meeting place for lunch. As we talked I heard her 5 month old daughter screeching in the background. Just blood curdling sounds. At such an un-godly hour. Hanging up I realized sadly, that I'm not fit for motherhood.

Then I went back to sleep.

Once I was washed, clothed and ready for real life and interaction I met up with my friend and her two daughters. The screeching turned out to be a sound that her daughter Emy makes when she's perfectly happy. Dimples and all. And admittedly, once you see the smiles and dimples, the sounds are rather charming.

And the other daughter Neshie, at the young age of 4, was flooring me with her bright snappy spirit. Clear and straight forward, no hesitations in asking for what she wants or needs, even from complete strangers, and the ability to know what she needs at a given time. She put my communication skills to shame. Seriously, this 4 year old running around naked could be an influential life coach for my whole family.

We all had a lovely day of chit-chatting, lunch and jewellery shopping.

Highlights included:

Emy's delighted face as she tried butternut squash for the first time

Realizing Neshie and I shared the same taste in music (let's hear it for Annie and The Little Mermaid!!)

Picking out 'eyeshadow' for Neshie at a children's store and watching her pay for it with 'found' money from her little purse

Having her ever so gently apply said eyeshadow to me, then exclaiming that I "looked perfect!"

All this and of course the nice adult conversation I had with their Mom.

Thank you all for showing me how giving and fun families can be. Motherhood seems less daunting indeed. Rather it seems adventurous and exciting. Just not before mummy's awake.

This is my new bracelet...Pretty huh? It's made up of many orange gemstones of some sort.

So this is the story...

My sister and I made plans for dinner with one of our very awesome cousins (she married into the family obviously). She arrived before us and was reading one of my favorite books (luulabies for little criminals) and wearing this bracelet. Jordana, my sister, made a comment that I would probably love her bracleet, which I did and said so.

I love things orange and green and brown (like the 70's) and Jordana loves things pink and purple and turquoise (like an eight year olds drawing of a princess), so it was typical of me to like the beads and typical of Jordana to notice.

Our sweet cousin Maria immediately reacted to my compliment by offering me the bracelet. Even though I politely declined, she continued to insist, explaining that she had just bought it in Banff but had forgotten that she bought one almost identical, previously in Arizona. After some persusion I accepted. I put it on, showed off to Jordana about my good luck, and she whispered back, "I can't believe someone bought that thing twice".

Well, I like it.

So, camping season...time to pull out the ol' tent.

Or not...why not sleep outside. Really, didn't we once sleep outside, us humans. Now we lucky folks are attached to our cozy duvets and air conditioning, we would have a hard time settling into a night in the open.

For me personally, even sleeping in a tent with no fly is an exciting event. Smell the air, see the trees above, perhaps even the moon...

Keep your eyes open and absorb it all.

In Australia while traveling, I went on a tour through the Kimberly's in the North West and while most of the group slept in tents, I chose to sleep outside in a swag next to the fire and the two guides. I was terrified of snakes and spiders and dingos and plenty of other things that could kill me, but I was too excited by the idea of sleeping right under the blanket of stars right next to the campfire, and knew that an opportunity again like this would be far away. The kind of swag they let me borrow had a slightly padded bottom and a heavy canvas covering and my sleeping bag fit right in it. Aside from rolling out the swag, and crawling in, there was nothing else to it. There I was saying 'goodnight moon' and looking right at her. Fall asleep with a soft fresh breeze on your face, your last sight the sky filled with stars. Wake to a huge sprawling burst of red, orange and pink hues of the sunrise overhead. Remember that life really is magic.